Coach Johnson

Bio[]

Bikini Bloodbath (2006)[]

Coach Johnson was a lesbian woman who worked as a gym coach at Hale Manor High School.

On the last day of the school year, she lead her female students in a small game of volleyball. During that game, Ginger, the Coach's "favorite student," struggles to properly serve the ball. Coach Johnson comes over to help her, but takes the opportunity to rub up against her as she does it.

As Jenny and her friends leave the locker room to go home, their coach stands by the door and comments on their bodies as they pass by.

After arriving home, she noticed Ginger walking to Jenny's alone and complemented her on her performance during the match. However, when Ginger wished her a happy weekend, she earnestly called her "Mr. Hudson." So Coach insulted her under her breath as she walked in her front door and Ginger walked away.

After going inside, Coach Johnson attempted to call Jenny as to get herself invited to the party. However, Jenny lets it go to her voicemail, which is overheard by her and her best friend, Sharon. Chef Death then enters her bedroom with a cleaver. Her screams are heard over the phone by the girls, but they assume she's just joking around and leave to get supplies for the party. After the Chef leaves, having buried the cleaver in the middle of her chest, Coach Johnson collasps against against a stack of flamingo lawn ornaments. As she lays wounded, she picks up a snow globe of a dolphin and comments that "I've always loved fish." Then as she goes limp, dropping the snow globe to the floor, she utters one final word: "Beaver."

Bikini Bloodbath Car Wash (2008)[]

Now in college, Jenny and Sharon, both survivors of Chef Death's massacre, are now employees at Miss Johnson's Bikini Wax and Wash Car Wash, obviously run by now ex-coach Johnson, who is alive and well.

Then Lucy, an eighteen year old delinquent who was just released from juvie, marches into establishment and attempts to get a job. To prove she's capable of handling it, her and Miss Johnson then engage in a prison-style knife fight/dance off. Miss Johnson comes out victorious, though it appears she still hires Lucy.

That night her employees meet up to attempt to summon the spirit of Portia, one of Jenny's friends killed in the original. However, they unknowingly summon the spirit of William Leschenski, Chef Death, back from the grave.

The following day, Miss Johnson's employees (except for the now dead Scarlet and Lady Jaye) manage to bring in their biggest profit yet.

As they leave the locker room, she instructs the girls to dress skimpy and makes the odd reauest for them to bring tapioca pudding.

All of her employees (that are still alive) manage to arrive at the party with the exception of Peaches, who, after helping Doctor Zartan, a teacher at the local community college, found herself bound and gagged in his closet. It's implied that he was going make a skin suit out of her, but he gets interrupted via throat slitting and she gets his severed nipple fastened to her forehead and left tied up in the closet.

Miss Johnson spends basically the entire party sitting around with Lucy at the kitchen table, sharing cigarettes and beers. Occasionally, she hurls empty beer cans at her party guests from across the room.

Over some drinks, Lucy and Miss Johnson compare their respective scars. Miss Johnson shows off the large scar across her chest from her attack in the previous film. She mentions how it took six surgeons and seventy-two stitches to put her back together. She then forces Lucy to touch it.

After some more drinks, Miss Johnson starts to talk about her days serving in the military, going on a monologue.

"We were in the Baltic Sea, Cheif. Our ship went down. A thousand men went into the water. We were surrounded by the gray ape. How did I know it was a gray ape? 'Cause there were twenty-footers from tail to snout. And they swam at us and they would pull us down one by one by one by one and we'd just see our buddies go down, get pulled down. When they came back up, they'd be pantless, their shirts and their hair disheveled. Who knows what horrors went on that moonlit sea that night. Thousand men went down. 316 came back."

Jenny comments on how it's crazy that she went through that. Miss Johnson responds to that comment with...

"Crazy? You want to know crazy? You ever look into a gray ape's eyes? Well they're black. They're lifeless. They're dead like a doll's eyes and when they come at you, they look at you with those dead eyes and those pink bow ties with the matching cummerbunds and they're on their tricycles of the apocalypse. Just like that guy in the black pajamas and the sticky jungles of Dang Nắng!"

As Ike and Lonnie get hacked apart, their screams are heard by Miss Johnson as she has drinks with Lucy and Sharon, but everyone mistakes the noise for sounds of pleasure. Sharon, getting bored, leaves the two to check on Jenny and Todd. Miss Johnson then continues telling Lucy about her days in the military.

"We were stationed in Darfur. Our truck came to a stop. Our tires had been slashed. Suddenly, we were surrounded by the Gray Ape. They started brushing up against the truck with their gray fur, rubbing back and forth, taking all of the polish off of the windows. It was frightening."

Sharon finds Jenny and Todd in the closet, Jenny groping herself with Gil's dead hand and Todd sloppily making out with Gil's bleeding, gaping neck wound. Now being to actually see what they are actually doing, both of them begin to panic and run from the closet with Sharon. Sharon, Todd, and Jenny rush into the kitchen, interrupting Miss Johnson and Lucy's intense makeout session.

Miss Johnson quickly takes control of the situation, taking on a gruff, military-style leader role. First she hits Todd in the groin multiple times to shut him up. Then she leaves the group to make sure that are actually corpses in her house. She finds Gil's body and returns to the group. Upon Todd's suggestion, she leads the group outside to check on Gary. After discovering Gary's body, Miss Johnson leads the group back inside to arm themselves and check on the rest of the party guests. Sharon sneaks off to go to Luftwaffle House.

Miss Johnson grabs a pair of tongs while Jenny, Lucy, and Todd take a baseball bat, frying pan, and balloon, respectively. She then leads the group upstairs. When Professor Shipwreck jumps out at them, she jams her tongs into his crotch. He reveals that he had been hiding in Miss Johnson's closet for hours, but the group's momentary suspicion of him being the killer quickly fades and he joins them.

They then find the closet, where they discover the hacked up remains of Ike and Lonnie. They then go into the upstairs bathroom, where they find Mercedes dead on the toilet. Knowing that everyone else is dead, the groups decides to flee.

Professor Shipwreck takes the lead and gets to the front door. However, he opens to Chef Death, who quickly hacks him in the eye with a cleaver. As the rest of the group rushes the kitchen door, Chef Death reappears and slits Lucy's throat with a cleaver. The remaining trio scramble to a bedroom. As Todd cowers underneath a blanket, Jenny and Miss Johnson formulate a simple plan to escape out the back door. They execute this easy plan with Jenny going back to get Todd before they all manage to get to the driveway.

Miss Johnson decides to fight Chef Death one on one. During their struggle, she manages to stab him in the groin with a pair of salad tongs. However, Chef Death gets the upper hand, tearing out her guts. After eviscerating Miss Johnson, the undead Chef would be quickly decapitated by Jenny with one strong swing of her baseball bat.

Bikini Bloodbath Christmas (2009)[]

Following her disembowelment, Coach Johnson went into a supposed coma. Her sister, Mrs. Johnson, now runs Snot Locker, a weed shop her sister also use to own before she went into her coma. Jenny and Sharon (along with Peaches), the only surviving employees of the Bikini Wax and Wash Car Wash, now work there with their fellow co-workers, Dungaree and Ramirez, the store Santa Claus. Across the street from the Snot Locker is The Underground Deli, the shop's biggest competition. The deli is run by Gina Davis, an incredibly flamboyant yet religious man, and his employees, Sapphire, Leevin, Crabcakes, and William Dafoe, along with their own store santa, Frank. After a hard day's work of selling festive marijuana-themed paraphernalia, the four female employees of the Deli enter the establishment and challenge the Snot Locker staff to meet them at the grave of William Leschenski at Midnight.

Before that, though, Jenny and Mrs. Johnson go to visit the latter's comatose sister in the hospital. Her physician, Doctor O'Masterblaster, arrives and, after feeling up all three of them, ensures Jenny and Mrs. Johnson that Miss Johnson is holding up fine, before leaving. Jenny laments to Miss Johnson about having to go to the grave of William Leschenski. Suddenly, Miss Johnson stirs to consciousness for a moment only to snatch Jenny by the hair and menacingly hiss one final word into her ear: "Beaver..." She then falls back into bed and finally flatlines.

Later, when the two groups meet up in the cemetary, William Dafoe dares Jenny to touch the grave of the mass murderer. When she does, it triggers some traumatic memory and also causes her period to happen both early and violently. Then a figure heavily resembling the zombified Chef Death bursts from the topsoil. Everyone else runs off screaming while Peaches is pulled into the grave and killed.

The next day, the employees of both the Deli and the Snot Locker return to work, both setting up their seperate santa stations outside of their stores. While the girls do that, a pair of salesmen, Rell, who is a cyclops, and Prince Colwyn attempt to sell a , the latter apparantly making the weapon levitate between his hands. This mindboggling display literally makes Dungaree sick. Despite this fact, Mrs. Johnson still says no to the offer. After they leave, Dungaree goes to the bathroom. She is then attacked from behind and has her throat bitten out in front of the mirror.

Only slightly later that day, Frank instigates a fight with Ramirez in front of their two stores. The two men duke it out in a wrestling match in wading pool while the customers and employees watch and cheer on. In the end, Ramirez wins the match, pinning him and tearing off his fake beard. Soon after, Frank enters an empty bathroom to clean himself up, where he is quickly garroted from behind with christmas lights.

At the hospital, Doctor O'Masterblaster is in his office, finishing typing an email. Someone enters the room and douses him in gasoline. Then his assailant ignites a lighter, causing an explosion that launches the burning doctor out of the second story window.

After Ramirez arrives home, "Chef Death" discovers his tool box and takes a hammer. Ramirez is then quickly bludgeoned to death in his bedroom with that hammer. His killer then steals his bloodied santa suit and dons it as they head to continue the massacre at the party that has already began.

However, after the two get upstairs, they are quickly dispatched with a cleaver. Their screams are heard by the group downstairs, but they are either ignored or mistaken for the sounds of lovemaking.

After Jenny and William leave the hot tub, "Chef Death" sneaks around the side and turns up the heat to a potentially dangerous temperature. Gina Davis simply gets out.

After he discovers that the downstairs toilet is being used by Sapphire (not knowing she's dead) and the only other toilet in the house is broken, Gina decides to relieve himself out of the window. When he finishes, the claw end of the hammer is jammed into his rear and used to disembowel him out his anus.

It is that point when Jenny and William Dafoe realize they are in bed with two mutilated bodies.

Sharon, both done with her friends comments about her "weight problem" and fearing for her life, makes the descision to simply leave. However, when she gets to the front door, she gets a steak knife in her stomach.

The remaining trio decide that it's time to make a run for it. They get downstairs and run past the front door (and Sharon's body) and make their way to the kitchen. William Dafoe makes it to the kitchen door and promptly gets her throat slit. Jenny and Mrs. Johnson quickly scramble into a bed room and attempt to hold the door shut. Rell and Prince Colwyn are also in that room, but are either unaware or uncaring about the situation.

As they attempt to formulate a plan, Jenny shoots down Mrs. Johnson's ideas of going to the garage to get better weapons or waiting in the driveway for the police to arrive (the endings of the first and second film, respectively) and repeatedly insists that they make a run for it. Mrs. Johnson counters that Jenny can't keep running all her life. However, as the killer begins to get in, they both escape into the backyard, the killer quickly following.

After Jenny flees, the killer santa unmasks themself, revealing that Miss Johnson was behind the killing spree. When her sister desperately questions how, she explains that she had been faking her coma and screams at her about how their mother always thought she was "the pretty one." Mrs. Johnson swears that their mother always liked her more and thought she was more pretty. However, her pleading doesn't work and Miss Johnson proceeds to smash in her sister's face with multiple strikes of the hammer. She then presumably escapes before the police show up to the now empty house.

Coach Johnson

Contents

Bio[]

Bikini Bloodbath (2006)[]

Bikini Bloodbath Car Wash (2008)[]

Bikini Bloodbath Christmas (2009)[]

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